My Other Ex { Book Review }

I'm a girl who has had A LOT of friends come and go in my life sometimes with an event which escalates into the break up and sometimes... there's no warning signs. This book helped me feel as if I wasn't the only one who has had these experiences. I know I have been completely blessed to have had such an incredible amount of friends in my life and again, this collection of other woman's stories' reminded me that it's perfectly okay to feel as if when I lose a friend I've lost a love. Not all breakups are due to a lack of romance. 

I must be honest I would have never read this book if I hadn't read Kate's review and turns out she was spot on! I loved this book so much. While reading this book I was/am also reading two others and this one kept pulling me in especially because the chapters are so quick to read so I could fit in a chapter quickly while waiting at the petrol station or waiting for a friend before our coffee date. 


Okay, so the Goodreads description of this book is:

Have you ever lost a friend? Was that loss in some ways more painful than the end of a love affair?

Women’s friendships so often come to a crossroads at which time two women can try to hold on to the friendship, staying connected, or the friends can take two completely separate paths without each other.

Many of the essays in this book are about this moment in time, when both rupture and new beginnings are possible.

There are so many ways that friendships can end, and this book describes 35 of them, from talented and accomplished contributors. At the heart of each essay is the recognition from each writer that she has lost something very real and very personal, a connection that will never be forgotten.

I've picked a few moments or quotes from the book that truly resonated with me and I thought I'd share them with you.

" Women are frustratingly and magnificently wired for intimacy" - Nicole Knepper
My View: This is so relevant in my life because I crave the intimacy of a friendship which is probably the reason why when I'm friends with you, I'm all in"

"She hasn't died, but my best friend is gone." - Cheryl Suchors

My View: I've had this feeling and while your best friend still lives, the emptiness felt of her lost presence feels like death, sometimes wore than death because she's alive and well.. just living without you. 

" The number one reason people leave a relationship is called diminished returns: you don't get back what you put it." - Alexandra Rosas

My View: I would be guilty of this reason for a break up. I think like that this author noted that it's people who feel this way and not just women. 

Below is my Goodreads rating:

My Other Ex: Women's True Stories of Losing and Leaving Friends by Jessica Smock
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I never read short stories but after reading a blog review of this book I was definitely interested and I was not disappointed.

This nook has many short stories of different female friendships developing and ending and sometimes reconciling. Some of the stories truly touched my heart and helped me understand some of my own friendships which ended hastily or without a "show down". I think this is a book every woman should read to help them understand their past and possible future friendships.

Love Love Love!

View all my reviews

I truly believe that friendships are "...mutual platonic love affairs..." that's the reason it hurts so damn much when it end but even more so I agree with this " friendship is a verb" . I honestly wish every woman would read this book. It helped me understand my lost loves...

Have you ever lost a friendship without knowing what was the cause?

PS: Have a great week!

Humpday Confessions {Link Up #6}

Hello midweek blues! I'm just kidding, Wednesdays are fast becoming my favouirte day because I get to purge share my latest confessions with Kathy .

I confess

~ Spain and England were eliminated from the World Cup and I was am gutted! I honestly cannot imagine having to watch a Football tournament without Steven Gerrard but realistically he's aging and frankly, I would be willing to swap my age with his so he can keep playing. (Clearly I love this man more than a sane person should)

~ I still cannot believe that Luis Suarez bite another player! I mean, I know people love to hate him but seriously, how can such a talented footballer an adult not realise that it is WRONG to bite anyone else... wasn't he taught that in nursery school?

~ I checked out an ex's new girlfriend's page and I found myself thinking, she's awesome, we should be friends. She quoted one of my favourite friendship quotes so I instantly like her..

~ somehow my comments section on my blog changed to google plus comments and I don't know how that happened or how to change it to a more user friendly format (I'm willing to take suggestions here?!)

~ during last week's link up, I visited all 66 blogs which linked up and I think I commented on about 62/3 of them, I'm sorry to the three of four ladies I didn't comment on but I really didn't want to just comment with "great post" which a) may have been a lie or b) there wasn't much I could say and I don't like commenting for the sake of commenting oh and there was one blog I couldn't get onto because I didn't have permission and I was thinking - "Why would you join a link up and block your blog?"

~ Credit ~

~ I really enjoyed a LOT of the blogs I read last week so I am super excited to read everyone's posts today.Is that really a confession ? I don't think so ... but I do confess there were a few blogs I came across whether part of the link up or from clicking onto a different page and I was left thinking - there really is no rules for blogging. Apparently people forget their language skills or grammar skills or that they are attempting to speak to English readers?

~ Credit~

~ my last confession is when I was younger and "in love" or "in like" I often thought that I would always love that person or have a special place in my heart for them but the truth is, now, I would maybe see them or hear from them and think " I hope they are happy"  but the truth is I sometimes forget some of them even existed how deeply I felt for them. At that time and perhaps for a long while after the relationship ended it would hurt but now I can say I don't harbour any feelings for anyone and that actually feels kinda great!

That's it for today folks, what are you confessing?

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A Beautiful Wedding for Lerato & Christiaan

The couple saying their I dos

This last Friday I attended a wedding of one of my friends I made at the beginning of my Undergraduate degree. While I could write an entire post on Lerato and my friendship, I don't want to distract you from the reason for my actual post being Lerato got married on Friday to Christiaan.

The Father of Bride and the Bride walking up the aisle. 

Firstly I'll state the obvious, they are clearly from two different cultures. Lerato is from an African background and Christiaan is German. The second most obvious thing is that the cultural differences and challenges are irrelevant in light of how they feel about one another.

The first dance as husband and wife

The top of the wedding cake

Lerato may have been open to love but I'm not entirely sure if she believed in it completely until Christiaan and more so until she felt how much he loved her (warts and all, figuratively speaking)  and how much she was capable of loving him.

Me with the Bride

I've only met Christiaan on a handful of occasions and on each one I've watched how enchanted he is by Lerato. 

One of the Center pieces

Their wedding was incredibly beautiful, despite the overcast Johannesburg weather. It was lovely but the reception was where things were even more sentimental. While the Bride and Groom could barely step away from one another, it was their respective fathers and siblings which gave the wedding an extra special feeling.

A Panoramic view of the reception

The Bride's brother (and MC) said a poem which related back to a younger Lerato and her youthful insistence that she would not marry although he knew she would. The Bride's sister then went on to give a touching and appropriately funny speech about how she always wanted to be like her big sister and that her recent fears of losing her sister have been replaced by comfort in her gaining a brother in Christiaan.

The Groom's siblings did the most adorable and corny (which I LOVED) musical performance of "Ob La Di" but with new lyrics telling the love story of Lerato and Christiaan.

The thing I take away from their wedding is, Love is truly beautiful, you just have to be open to it. I wish Lerato and Christiaan all the happiness in the world in their new life together!!!!

My party people for the evening, Shavon, Kris, myself and Lloyd

I have used a combination of photos which I took as well as one of my friends (Thanks Kris!!!) 

13 Things I Accomplished / Decisions I Made In 2013

This is a bit of a serious post because it can fall in with Soulful Sunday... this year has brought a lot of challenges but I have also overcome a lot, some I didn't even blog about.

1. Making the decision to get admitted as an attorney - I fulfilled all the requirements in May 2012 but it took me months to actually commit to getting the paperwork and it was all due to my friend, Kaylene, deciding to get admitted as well so I thought it would be awesome to be admitted with a friend. 

2. THEN actually getting admitted - you can read about it here 

3.I finally traveled overseas again. It frustrated me that it took so long between trips but I don't intend on letting it go that long again.

4. I traveled to Europe all on my lonesome! You can read about all of them

5. I managed to throw an actual "SURPRISE" birthday party where my brother was ACTUALLY surprised.  - yay me!

6. I can bring people together, whether it be at work or a Hostel in Ireland....

7. Returning to Ireland - I am still incapable of explaining my pull towards the country and that place

8. There was this guy, who I thought I had unfinished business with - but now it's finished.

9. I finally wore a red dress!

10. There was an extremely toxic person who was trying to poison my family (metaphorically speaking) and she finally left and things are so much better.

11. Deciding to finally start a blog .... and then moved it here!

12. I had to overcome bullying in the workplace.

13. I decided to take a leap of faith and resign from my job. While the decision was not easy especially in this economy but I knew that staying there was making me sick and that it wasn't going to get better.

So there it is... what have you accomplished this year?

13 Things i learnt in 2013

It's the first installment of 13 of 2013 series and I am super duper excited! I feel somewhat bitter sweet about this year. I have had so many incredible things happen to me this year but at the same time I have had some of the hardest situations to handle.

I'm glad that there are officially 13 days of the year left and while 2014 holds it's own challenges, joys and sorrows - now is the time to reflect of 2013.

First up, are the lessons I walk away with. While some are obvious and some may seem redundant to previous years - each of these took on new meanings to me.

1. It's ok to be lonely but I'm never alone, while it appears not everyone agrees - I think it's important to know what kind of person you are when you are lonely and then be ok with that person

2. I have the ability to light up a room as much as I have the power to dampen it, apparently people feed off my energy!

3. I am more fearless then I would I ever give myself credit for.

4. God has truly blessed me with the virtue of patience this year. Things at work or situations in which I have found myself has shocked me that I haven't reacted badly because this is how I really felt...

5. I will not apologise for not blogging because my daily life is busy - after all it is my life.

6. Some people will bully you - even as a grown up

7. Some parents shouldn't be parents because they have no idea what it means to educate a child.

8. Holding onto Serenity in the midst of chaos is an art form but once you've mastered it, there is nothing as wonderful as it.

9.It is entirely possible that the people you interact with on blogs can become your friends, they get to see a side of you that some people in your "real" life never do.

10. A lot of people outside of South Africa are shocked to hear that I am from South Africa.

11. Modern technology can maintain and develop frienships

Remember Juls and Oli who I studied with in 2009 and finally visited them in Germany

Jamie and Brian who I met during a random night out in Dublin in 2010 - we got to go for lunch almost three years later

12. Keeping with Number 11, if someone wants to be a part of your life - they will if they aren't it is because they don't want it enough.

13. Sometimes fortunate accidents (serendipity) occurs but sometimes, you shouldn't look into a deeper meaning when all it is, is God showing you the possibility of what could come.

What are some the lessons you learnt this year?

Bucket List - Liverpool FC vs Kasier Chiefs LEGENDS Game

I don't think it's accurate to include this particular game on my bucket list because I would have never thought it would be possible to even watch some of the players I did watch.

On Friday, I mentioned how excited I was and I had no idea how that would only be the tip of the iceberg.

I bought the Liverpool Tattoo when I visited Liverpool in 2010 ~ I knew it would finally come in handy

Last week was rough for me, work was rough and my sleeping patterns were completed messed up and if I thought that was hectic, things only got worse when we almost missed our flight because we were running a little late and the lady helping us well, didn't help! She printed my ticket twice and my dad was left without a ticket then when we finally all had tickets I thought my flight wasn't boarding so I went to buy a book and almost missed my flight. So if you were in OR Tambo on Friday and saw a girl running thought - it was me!

When we arrived at King Shaka International, none other than Kaiser Chiefs (and more so Bafana Bafana) legend - Doctor Khumalo was on my flight and he was nice enough to take a quick picture with me.

Back to the game, I was so psyched on Saturday to see so many Liverpool fans and for the short time it felt like we were all going to see Liverpool play at Anfield. When You'll Never Walk Alone was playing at the beginning of the day, it was definitely a "MOMENT".

Liverpool lost over penalties but the game was played in such a good spirit and there were so many goals it really was a great experience.

When leaving Durban on Sunday evening I then bumped into Liverpool FC legend, Bruce Grobbelaar and I am so happy that I got that opportunity. I was definitely reminded this weekend I am extremely blessed.

Who is the most surprising celeb you have met? Were you at the game?