If I knew I wouldn't fail I would...

... Sign up to run a marathon - I have NEVER ran in a competition, why haven't I bothered to try?

...  Start a new career path, perhaps in something more social

...  Open my own NGO, actually make a difference

...  Write a book and self-publish it

...  Move away and teach English to students who want to learn

...  Stay in South Africa and teach

...  Look to cure cancer (I just finished the Fault in our Stars) or HIV

...  Start a TV show, something between Oprah// Ellen// The Talk

... Move to England and stalk Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres periodically (I could live between London and Liverpool)

...  Apply to be Channing Tatum's PA so I can watch him the whole day and Jenna Dewan Tatum won't mind!

Today I'm linking up with Jordan from All The Small Things. If you blog, join in, if not... comment and tell me what you would try!

Letting go Versus Holding on

* Early Warning *  - this one has a more serious tone than usual...

In recent weeks I have been confronted with this notion of what it means to "let go"of a situation, emotion or person and it's kind of crazy that so many of us are walking around with this heaviness in our hearts or on our minds because we associate letting go of situations (or people) as an indication of a failure on our part.

We think, " what could I have done differently?" , "I failed at this" or "I am being selfish". I must admit, I think of this all the time whether I am struggling with letting go of my student life or a relationship or more frequently a friendship.

I think it is sad that so many of us feel like we need to stay in situations purely because we don't want to be perceived as mean that we end up holding onto relationships or things which are , for lack of a better word, rotting.

It is slightly crazy and similataneously sad that we feel that we have to validate someone (or ourselves) by continuing to be a part of a situation which we clearly do not want to be a part of. Perhaps I'm wrong and it's not that we don't want to be a part of their lives but rather, we no longer need to be a part of their lives.

Although I truly believe this...

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I think we battle to establish when a season has in fact ended.

 

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this topic and surprisngly, I have been having a number of conversations with different people about "letting go" and while I don't think I have all the answers (far from it) I can safely identify that I am a hoarder. Rather I have emotional hoarding tendancies.

 

When I was younger I used to hoard everything - no dirt though because my mom wouldn't allow me too. I still have letters from when I was in Grade 6 and 7 or class notes which we passed around throughout High School and while they are great to look back at, what am I holding onto them for?

 So now, I realise that I may just have emotional hoarding tendancies.... eek! BUT then it got me thinking, how many of us are emotional hoarders?

 

Is it that we are holding on to that person or thing for the memory we associate with it and are we afraid that if we let go of that person or thing that we are then letting go of the memory(ies) associated with that person? I'm honestly not sure..

Then I had an epiphany - it's not that I only need to let go of people or things but I have to be able to let go of the person I thought I would be and the things I had wanted to accomplish by now which I haven't and just make peace with the fact that if it was meant to happen for me, the way I wanted it to happen it would have but it clearly was not in God's plan and I need to live in His time and not my own.

This may be something you have heard before but when I actually committed to it made peace (along with a bottle of wine) with it and the person I am and the people who surround me I realised that there have been so many people that I have tried to hold onto but they have still left. Perhaps the only thing I should be holding onto is what's left of my sanity?

If you're looking for a sign to let go of whatever is holding you back, here it is....

 

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  I think the most important thing to learn is that letting go is hard and the feelings of letting go are difficult so don't judge yourself for snapping your fingers and still feeling..

April/ May book review : Sing you home by Jodi Picoult

I've made a rule that after each Jodi Picoult book I read I'll read 2/3 frivolous  easy reads but after this book I'm going to go about 6 books before another book.

Firstly I have to say that I am a huge fan of Jodi Picoult and her novels always push the boundary of what I think may be an easy answer or not. In fact for those that read her books will be well aware that she usually has you guessing the whole way through and therefore you are so hooked you can't seem to put the book down but in this novel, I felt similarly to my previous book review which forms part of my 2013 resolutions to read one book a month  on from Notting Hill to New York actually, in that the storyline was pulled further - unnecessarily.

In this book, the main characters are Zoe and Max who start the book as married, trying to have a baby but encountering numerous  problems. Eventually they split  up and both seem to hit rock bottom and then each character finds strength from other relationships.

When they remember that they had three fertilized eggs still available for insemination a court battle ensues as to who should take custody of the eggs/pre-born children... 

Along the way there are a number of surprises but essentially I feel that the actual crux of the story, being the court case was rushed.

This novel illustrates a lot about preconceived notions from ministers to alcoholism to homosexuality and the question that I had to deal with is simply - what is your tolerance level? The beauty of Picoult's novels is that each chapter is usually told from a different character's point of view which is usually how your confusion comes in because you don't know which side is the one you're supporting!

Nevertheless this was a good read but definitely one of my favorites. I really enjoyed the references made by Zoe who is a music therapist as to how music can change your mood, day or life and how it can connect people. In fact I'm trying to read 12 new books this year but this book took me 2 and half months which is ridiculously long! So I'm going to have to read two books this month to make up for lost time *sigh*

If you're a first time reader if Jodi Picoult I do not recommend you read this as your first try as its likely to put you off her style which is in fact quite beautiful. Try The pact or 19 Minutes ... They are among my favorites!   

Maybe you should wait for the movie, I hear Ellen Degeneres is making the book a movie...